24: "Faux News"

Every morning when I wake up, I check the headlines to make sure the president didn't press the wrong button today.  More often than not, the headlines here in the States are nothing but all White House news, all the time.  I'm pretty sure this president is the most covered human being that's ever walked the Earth.  So it's to no one's surprise that any controversial idea he pushes is going to get major attention and be thrusted into our cultural lexicon forever and ever and ever.

Like, this idea of fake news.  I never really understood what this meant until I start noticing a very comedic pattern happening with Fox News' headlines.  Out of the 4 top headlines on my feed, Fox makes a pretty regular appearance along with CNN, New York Times and Reuters.  I'll usually get 3 headlines on current events in Washington D.C. and the the 4th will usually be the most ridiculously unrelated, tabloid-styled, sensational, smutty headline.  In contrast to the others, it's so comedic I have to laugh out loud.  Every time.

For example, this gem:

In the event that you're a fuckin' idiot, I'll recap: Essentially there's three pieces of Trump news and one piece about the fact that a washed up soap opera actress - and former "Celebrity Apprentice" contestant, I might add - posted up a naked selfie.  Then deleted it.  Then re-posted it.  I can feel a lobotomy coming on.

Here's another from Fox News:

Trump voters are wondering when the winning is going to start, but don't worry because bidet use is on the rise and you might need one.


Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn had sex on the first date.  If you clicked on this bullshit, you would have read two paragraphs on this.  With three spelling errors.

More Pulitzer worthy material...

There comes a point when you just realize that when a major news outlet, whom most people in this country get their information and confidence in their convictions from, is blatantly trying to distract you and bewilder you with ridiculous stories that have nothing to do with anything.

It would be useless to argue this point if it was just a few headlines here and there.  I've screen captured 117 of these instances from my phone.  I'd say roughly 80 of them have to do with tits, or bras, or bikinis, or former Playboy bunnies. Generally something having to do with the female body but might as well add in a Playmate to masturbate to.  Right?

Like so...

There's more.  Much more!  Almost every day!  None of this is truly surprising though.  Rupert Murdoch is the media mogul behind Fox News.  He also used to own The Sun and several other tabloid papers.  The Sun, when under Murdoch's jurisdiction, got even more sensationalist and smutty.  Supermarket check out line type headlines.  Sex sells and it was totally and unabashedly exploited for profit.  They became known for the topless "page 3 models".  But...you know what you're getting with The Sun.  Or any other tabloid.  Fox is "America's most trusted news network".  And by a pretty wide margin:

I mean...seriously????  It reminds me of the good ol' World Wide News.

Those were fantastic, btw.  Remember any of these headlines?

These stories wouldn't be nearly as engaging if they weren't presented as as news.  Exclusive, untold stories!  Aliens vs. Bigfoot!  Elvis Presley shows up at a wedding!  They found hair from God's beard!  Great stuff!  But when you're passing off bullshit as news instead of reporting important stories worthy of being America's most trusted news network, there are many rats to be smelled.

I can go on and on with this.  I'll just end it here and leave you with this great scene from Citizen Kane about agenda-pushing headlines.  Just goes to show that as long as you have a ton of money and the want to control the mindset of large groups of people, you can report whatever the fuck you want.  Also, tits.  Tits help.